Author Topic: Cheesy Jokes  (Read 28947 times)

Offline ASAFan

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #20 on: August 07, 2009, 04:39:41 am »
A real blowhard is travelling through the Scottish Highlands with a tour guide.  Several times, he sees this animal and is told what it is.  He looks the the tour guide and says, "now, sir, with my finest education, and multiple degrees, I fail to see how you, a lowly tour guide, can call that a contradiction in terms."

Tour guide looks back, annoyed, and tells him..."No, I said that's an OX, ye moron."

And that "dark and stormy night" tale is actually from an old children's book, which was originally written as such:

It was a dark and stormy night.  We were standing on the deck.  The Captain said, "tell me a story, my son," and so I began...

Brings back some memories there.  Thanks for sharing.

Offline Goroshi-sama

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #21 on: August 07, 2009, 07:00:11 am »
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"
MAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ROFL!

they see me rollin', they hatin'..

Offline kyubixmunky

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #22 on: August 07, 2009, 07:51:02 am »
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"
MAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ROFL!



So a bear walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "What can I get you?" and the bear says, "I'll have a cold beer and some......... Peanuts." And the bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

Offline LiquidZero

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #23 on: August 07, 2009, 08:01:18 am »
A GOOD ASSED JOKE! READ UP!

A guys walks over to the bar from the pool table then asks for a beer.

The bartender obliged him and gave him the beer.

He drinks the beer then says "i bet i can piss in this glass from 8 feet away and not spill a single drop"

The bartender goes "for how much"

the guy goes "300 dollars"

the bartender says "not a single drop?" guy says "not a single drop"

"OK" says the bartender, so the guys gets on the bar unzips his pants

and he thinkin about his dick, glass,dick, glass, money,dick,glass, dick, glass.


AND SHOOOM he lets a rip!! he's pissin all on the BAR, SHOOM all on the bartender, HIS PISSIN ON EVERY THING BUT THE MOTHA FUCKIN GLASS!

he's finally done pissin then the guy gives the bartender 300 dollars, the bartender's happy and smilin.
the man is also smiling, the bartender says "why are you smiling, you just lost 300$"

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

« Last Edit: August 07, 2009, 08:07:09 am by LiquidZero »
tatsujin thx!!( for nothin! ) thanks Sebur for the SIG!

Offline anesthehero

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #24 on: August 07, 2009, 10:48:27 am »
A GOOD ASSED JOKE! READ UP!

A guys walks over to the bar from the pool table then asks for a beer.

The bartender obliged him and gave him the beer.

He drinks the beer then says "i bet i can piss in this glass from 8 feet away and not spill a single drop"

The bartender goes "for how much"

the guy goes "300 dollars"

the bartender says "not a single drop?" guy says "not a single drop"

"OK" says the bartender, so the guys gets on the bar unzips his pants

and he thinkin about his dick, glass,dick, glass, money,dick,glass, dick, glass.


AND SHOOOM he lets a rip!! he's pissin all on the BAR, SHOOM all on the bartender, HIS PISSIN ON EVERY THING BUT THE MOTHA FUCKIN GLASS!

he's finally done pissin then the guy gives the bartender 300 dollars, the bartender's happy and smilin.
the man is also smiling, the bartender says "why are you smiling, you just lost 300$"

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.



Is it from a movie ? ( If yes I forgot it's name )

Here's one :

Mom, Dad  Can I have a drink of water?

The mother answered,  "No, we have to get up early in the morning, now go to Bed!"

10 Mins. later

 

Mom.... Dad, Can I have a drink of water?

The mother replies.. "I said no, now go to bed!"

10 Mins. later

 

Mom... Dad,  Can I have a drink of water?

The mother says, "No, go to bed!!!

10 Mins. later

 

Mom...Dad,  Can I have a drink of water?

The father replies.. "No!  Now go to bed before I beat Your As*!"

15 Mins. later

 

Mom...Dad,  When you come in to beat my As*... Can I have a glass of water?

 
Kindaichi Academy Workz

Offline Goroshi-sama

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #25 on: August 07, 2009, 10:56:42 am »
whats the difference between the elevators floor button and Blonde?

???

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they see me rollin', they hatin'..

Offline LiquidZero

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #26 on: August 07, 2009, 11:37:31 am »
whats the difference between the elevators floor button and Blonde?

???

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haha ha! dirty joke FTW!
tatsujin thx!!( for nothin! ) thanks Sebur for the SIG!

Offline Goroshi-sama

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #27 on: August 07, 2009, 10:18:52 pm »
whats the difference between the elevators floor button and Blonde?

???

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.
haha ha! dirty joke FTW!
I once owned big book full of funny jokes, but I think I threw it away cause they were already so old and I already red all of them :S

they see me rollin', they hatin'..

Offline Goroshi-sama

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #28 on: August 08, 2009, 09:33:11 am »
what the difference between erotic sex and pervertic sex?

??

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they see me rollin', they hatin'..

Offline quekmeister

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #29 on: August 08, 2009, 09:38:34 am »
When are farmers mean?
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When are chefs mean?
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Offline yt1DER

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #30 on: August 08, 2009, 11:45:10 am »
Two atoms are drinking at the bar. Suddenly one says to the other, "I've just lost one of my electrons!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"Yes," replied the first atom. "I'm positive."

Offline cubensis55

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #31 on: August 09, 2009, 02:14:47 am »
2 drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

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Offline Harryy

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #32 on: August 09, 2009, 07:45:45 am »
Do you think it would be worse to the thing than a light is approaching? Anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.........

Offline Sosseres

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #33 on: August 09, 2009, 08:06:15 am »
    * "I'm a walking economy," a man was overheard to say. "My hairline's in recession, my waist is a victim of inflation, and together they're putting me in a deep depression."

http://www.ocii.com/~cmeek/puns_v1a.htm#Top
« Last Edit: August 09, 2009, 08:20:34 am by Sosseres »

Offline surdumil

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #34 on: August 10, 2009, 04:01:28 pm »
A guy walks into a doctors office with a tennis ball in his mouth, a banana sticking out of his left ear, a pickle sticking out of his right ear, and long Udon noodles hanging out of this nose.

That doctor takes one look at him and says, "I can tell you right now, sir.  You're just not eating right!"

Offline Goroshi-sama

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #35 on: August 10, 2009, 08:35:12 pm »
Here you guys some more good jokes

Men at the photoshop:
"is it true that you enlarge the images into their natural size?"
"yep! thats our special specialty"
"Good, because I have a picture of Bluewhale!" (lol)

whats the difference between a dogfood and men?

??

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.


what is the best prevention-medicine for men?

??

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they see me rollin', they hatin'..

Offline quekmeister

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #36 on: August 10, 2009, 09:10:43 pm »
Calling a man a pig is insulting to pigs. Pigs are sensitive and intelligent creatures.

What's the difference between a chased deer and a short witch?
One's a hunted stag, the other's a stunted hag.

Offline Goroshi-sama

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #37 on: August 11, 2009, 06:58:39 am »
Whats the best game for a guy, who decided to stop playing WOW and starts a new life?

??

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they see me rollin', they hatin'..

Offline bcr123

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #38 on: August 12, 2009, 08:39:01 pm »
A Panda walks into a bar, eats a bowl of peanuts, shoots the guy next to him then walks out.. on the way out the bartender asks what's going on, the Panda says to look it up in the dictionary..

Panda: (n) eats shoots and leaves...

Offline quekmeister

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Re: Cheesy Jokes
« Reply #39 on: August 12, 2009, 08:53:22 pm »
So this guy has a friend who has three balls, and they come up with a plan to get free beers.
They walk into a bar tavern and the guy says loudly, 'I bet that between my friend here and the bartender, they have five balls!'
Then he whispers to the bartender, 'I hope you don't mind me dragging you into this...'
The bartender goes, 'Heck no, I've never met a man with four balls before!'