Author Topic: Let's make fun of religious absurdities  (Read 73339 times)

Offline Havoc10K

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #60 on: February 01, 2011, 01:00:05 pm »
if you don't believe in god you are an auto-atheist, face it, and yes, Bible, Tora, koran, they all contradict themselves, and we atheists know it, cuz we actually read the books.

another part to contradict is:
God made all the universe, and only one puny little planet gets life, I think god hates us by that little act, making a frigging huge ball of space and a microscopic life form base, to make it feel so much less important, yeah, God is great, in his hatred to us :D

Offline Weltal

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #61 on: February 01, 2011, 08:50:19 pm »
if you don't believe in god you are an auto-atheist, face it, and yes, Bible, Tora, koran, they all contradict themselves, and we atheists know it, cuz we actually read the books.

another part to contradict is:
God made all the universe, and only one puny little planet gets life, I think god hates us by that little act, making a frigging huge ball of space and a microscopic life form base, to make it feel so much less important, yeah, God is great, in his hatred to us :D

Yeah, I always thought that was strange that some superior being created all these planets and all these galaxies, yet earth is the only one that can support life? It never made sense to me. I once asked a Southern Baptist pastor were god came from and he said, "Well, when we look at the book of Genesis, it says that god was just there." Then I said, "Well, you can't make something from nothing, so how the hell was god already there? There had to be someone superior than god in order for god to exist." He kept telling me "genesis this, genesis that." He didn't really answer my questions.

As for these "holy scriptures" contradicting themselves, the three main religions of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism abrogate their religion doctrine. I forget how that works, but it's something along the lines of correcting contradictory themes such as the killing of the infidel in the Qua'ran.

Offline Havoc10K

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #62 on: February 01, 2011, 09:01:26 pm »
I had a laugh once when i asked the priest at local church to scientifically convince me to become a Christian :)
oh how he tried, I tried very hard to stay serious.

Offline datora

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #63 on: February 02, 2011, 03:55:07 am »
.
Got a heads' up in topic > Hentai Paradise > That "round thing in your face..." from an ID request I made.

This is Wrong.  Oh So Wrong.

You know what to do ...  ;)
I win, once again, in my never-ending struggle against victory.

Offline Weltal

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #64 on: February 02, 2011, 04:45:22 am »
.
Got a heads' up in topic > Hentai Paradise > That "round thing in your face..." from an ID request I made.

This is Wrong.  Oh So Wrong.

You know what to do ...  ;)

OMG! LOL! Is it wrong that that those goats with boobs turn me on? AHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Offline borghellit

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #65 on: February 02, 2011, 05:03:04 am »
.
Got a heads' up in topic > Hentai Paradise > That "round thing in your face..." from an ID request I made.

This is Wrong.  Oh So Wrong.

You know what to do ...  ;)
really good video. Never seen such think before, really good.

Offline Havoc10K

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #66 on: February 02, 2011, 09:08:11 am »
damn that was pretty funny :D
I lolled a lot on that :)

Offline Burkingam

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #67 on: February 03, 2011, 04:25:19 am »
Altmed is altfact!

Offline Havoc10K

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #68 on: February 03, 2011, 09:28:58 am »
God says NO! to violence, but destroying two cities and killing thousands of people cuz you have a hangover is justified :)

Offline Weltal

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #69 on: February 03, 2011, 11:10:02 pm »

Offline N2O

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #70 on: February 04, 2011, 12:19:37 am »
"Religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man, living in the sky, who watches everything you do, every minute of every day.  And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do.  And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry, forever and ever, until the end of time!

But he loves you...  He loves you...  He loves you, and he needs money!  He always needs money!  He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, all-wise, somehow just can't handle money.  Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more.  Now, you talk about a good bullshit story, holy shit."
- George Carlin (1937-2008)

Offline Meandola

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #71 on: February 04, 2011, 12:47:19 am »
The following is an actual question given on a University chemistry final exam.

The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting “Oh God!”


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”.

Figured this'd be as good a place as any to post this one ;)

Offline Burkingam

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #72 on: February 04, 2011, 03:18:07 am »
pretty much everything on this channel is funny http://www.youtube.com/user/DarkMatter2525
Altmed is altfact!

Offline Kyrdua

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #73 on: February 04, 2011, 03:27:08 am »
^ damn you to hell i was gonna post that! that guy's one of the funniest dude in youtube! my fave is his "matrix revelations" or watchamacallit.

^^


i sure wish that's a true story. cuz those two(student and the teacher who gave the A) just made my day!
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Offline Ixarku

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #74 on: February 04, 2011, 04:56:17 am »
Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.


Heh, the version of this joke I have saved has a different ending:

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, '...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' taking into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and, thus, I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."
If I ever meet God in person, I'm going to ask Him why he created so many stupid people, and then punch Him in the nose before he answers.

Offline Freedom Kira

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #75 on: February 04, 2011, 06:08:28 am »
Not a true story. But still funny as hell, back when I first read it, and now when I'm reading it again.

Kinda wonder, though, what would lead to one thinking it's endothermic. Laws of gases don't really have anything to do with it, because they don't have anything to do with chemical reactions (think about the definitions of exothermic and endothermic). Assuming Hell is basically one giant flame, if anyone was to "burn in Hell" then Hell can't possibly be endothermic, otherwise the phrase would be to "freeze in Hell."

By the way...

Heh, the version of this joke I have saved has a different ending:

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, '...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' taking into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and, thus, I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

Logical fallacy - if A must happen before B happens, then if B has not happened, this does not imply that A has not happened yet.
The other version is fine - if B has happened, then A must have happened.
Try this example: if you must take English 101 before English 201, then if you have not taken English 201, that doesn't mean you haven't taken English 101 yet.

Yes, I'm bored. =)
« Last Edit: February 04, 2011, 06:13:17 am by Freedom Kira »

Offline Havoc10K

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #76 on: February 04, 2011, 08:53:36 am »
The following is an actual question given on a University chemistry final exam.

The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting “Oh God!”


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”.

Figured this'd be as good a place as any to post this one ;)

this is so funny, I would have given him an A as well, the best answer :D

I remember my friend received a B- on art class, we were supposed to draw the city in the future, my friend didn't do anything the entire class, and only signed the sheet, asked why it's empty he answered, it's not empty, it's just very foggy :)

Offline Burkingam

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #77 on: February 05, 2011, 05:59:57 pm »
There is a commun Argument fundamentalists use to "proof" the existence of god that goes basically is such:

Premise 1 : God is perfect
Premise 2 : Existence is a perfection
Conclusion: God exist.

Now I'm sure if you are not religious you will easily find  what's wrong with this logic but we are here make fun of religion and not to debate about it. So lets use this kind of logic on a funnier way.

Premise 1 : The biggest accomplishment imaginable is the creation of the universe
Premise 2 : The bigger the handicap, the bigger the accomplishment (exemple playing piano is a bigger accomplishment if you don't have hands)
Premise 3 : The biggest handicap imaginable is non-existence
Conclusion : The creator of the universe does not exist.

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.
Altmed is altfact!

Offline Kyrdua

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #78 on: February 05, 2011, 06:07:25 pm »
^ regardless, that's genius.
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Offline Havoc10K

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Re: Let's make fun of religious absurdities
« Reply #79 on: February 05, 2011, 06:12:33 pm »
I accidentally went off topic while talking wit ha co-worker girl at work today, it was like:
She: well I can't come to work on sundays before noon cuz I go to the church, so (boss name) makes my schedule like this (for 1pm)
Me: wow you practice faith ?
She: you don't ?
Me: ... (thinking how to respond not to make her hate me this instant) I'm an atheist ...
She: so you don't believe in god ?
Me: nope, by the way, you believe in god or the church ?
She: I believe in god
Me: then why you go to the church ? he is supposed to be everywhere, you can pray even in the toilet, he should listen to you even then right ?
She: (she is smart I gotta say, she didn't take the toilet sarcasm seriously, at least she got a point on the brain) (oh and the response will be in spoiler, already used the "()" )
Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.
no really it was like that, for about a minute too :)