I'm having what I call the Japan dream again. I've gotten pretty good at deciphering the symbolism behind my own dreams. The Japan dream for me embodies extensive planning and yet possibly missing an opportunity or overplanning and waiting too long to act (all of which are aspects of fear of failure). The trappings of the dream always vary a bit but the themes are always the same. I'm in Japan on vacation with one or more friends. It's the end of the trip or the last day. The clock is running out and I feel like I've completely wasted my vacation time by somehow not seeing or doing any of the things that I should have done on the trip. I end up running around at the last minute, maybe just packing belongings endlessly for the return flight, but sometimes I head out into the city and try to see the sights and do the things. For instance, in last night's dream, my friends and I were in Tokyo on the last night. I pushed us to go out and do something, and we ended up on a train that somehow took us to Hokkaido.
Regardless, if the dream progresses far enough, it always seems to end with fear of missing the return flight home, of being too late.
The source of my anxiety lately is all of the stuff involving the sale of my house and the purchase of my next home. Actually, the sale of my house isn't a big deal, but there's a strong possibility that I won't get the town home that I want to purchase. Consciously, rationally, I know that I'll ultimately make things work out, although I think subconsciously my real fear is getting stuck with another home that I'm not happy with. I think I need to be vigilant about what I want and not compromise or settle too quickly just for the sake of getting through the next few months. But convincing my subconscious that I've got this under control is easier said than done.
I suppose in theory that I should also be more accepting that things don't always need to turn out exactly as I envision or want them to, but considering that I'm usually willing to compromise, and given that I'm afraid that compromising too much will make me unhappy again, I think that's probably the wrong approach.
It's funny that Japan is the setting for this expression of anxiety, considering that I planned my 2010 vacation to Tokyo thoroughly, and everything went according to plan. I'm thinking that maybe my subconscious thinks that there are still things we should have done while we were there, things that we missed, although I'm not sure exactly what those things are. One more reason why I need to make a return trip there within the next few years, to purge this particular anxiety.