I need some help...

[Louise]

I'm most likely breaking alot of forum rules here, but I dont care...I really need help or suggestions or ANYTHING!!

My father was quite abusive when I was little, even now... *5 months ago he backed me up to a wall and held me there yelling in my face* This is gonna sound all emo, or seem like im trying to get attention, but thats not the case... Im going to say the jist of it, U can PM me to find out more...
well as said, my father has always been abusive when I was little. 7 months ago I moved in with him because, as caring as my mother is...I just wanted to try something new... we frequently fought, he got physical many times, but I yelled back, and everytime I say something logical that condradicts what he says, he Rages even more and tries to change the conversation. he's even yelled at me to stab him with my katana *During one of our fights I leaned against the table and my hand was next to it, so I think he took it as a threat...when I was only grabbing the furniture next 2 it for support*  He's always trying to kick me out of the house/ send me to my mothers. issue with that? she's in a different country, germany to be exact. He's always busting through the door, it doesnt even lock anymore the handles loose. He claims hes trying to help me by taking me to a therapist, but guess what THE THERAPIST IS HIS FRIEND. He's always doing things that make getting to my life goal harder & harder, never anything to help it, basically He wants me to change to what he finds suitable, just 5 min ago he said "IF YOU DONT MAKE A 360 DEGREE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE YOU DONT BELONG HERE" He's willing to pay for a flight ticket to send me away for good, but not willing to send me there for a month to see my mother & sister. Well today...was the physiatrist/therapist, she wrote some schedule for me....which ofc went against EVERYTHING i told her and leaned towards what my father wants out of me, On the way home I told him about the 50/50 for a flight ticket to see my mom, and then it started, he started complaining & whining & talking bad about her, making himself look all innocent and angelic. HE ALWAYS TRIES TO PUT ME AGAINST HER. so when we got home  I got so mad at him I ripped up the schedule, got out of the car, and kicked the door a few times. He yelled "YOUR GOING TO KICK MY CAR?! ILL KICK YOUR!" So yeah...he did... I didnt leave a damn Dent in his car. then he stormed into my room going "IM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE AND SHOW THEM THE RIPPED PAPERS, AND YOU'LL BE IN JAIL" bullshit like that, then he called his little whore of a wife and told her and he's like "I told her so she's a witness" I laughed at him and told her she wasnt, and he Raged at me. So i blocked my door with a chair and added an old printer for weight, he broke right thru it... and said some more things, which I wont go into... he says he provides me food *yeah? rlly... thats a half truth*, clothing *HE hasnt even bought me a pair of underwear in his life, shelter *cant argue with that. and that its ALL he needs to do for me. at the slightest issue he says im bieng shipped off cause I "dont belong" because this is "his house" and he can do what he wants since im the child, that I have to follow every single rule if i wanna stay, etc. I just gently remind him this...He's the ONLY one with custody right over me in the U.S of A, he CANNOT send me to my mothers if she says he cant. doing so would prove illegal, though I do wish he would rot in the fiery pits of the underworld, I dont want it happening when im here, I dont want to go down with him & his whorish new wife... *who steals my shit*

I dont know... If its time to go to grandmas, or call child protective services or what. This is all stressing me to a high degree, and a few of u alrdy know what a by product of this was. He's been eliminating ways I cope with the issue, I dont know how long my sanity will remain to be honest...

I'm sorry about this post if it breaks any rules. I just have to be heard, maybe..luckly... someone here can help me cope of find a way thru this. I dont want anyone replying just to say "I feel bad for you" or "im sorry" because, theres kids out there in worse situations, Im not looking for pity, Im looking for solutions...

[Akecu]

Well I don't know about the system in US but I would call for the child protection thing.

On the otherhand: Why don't you move back to your mom's house? He was even willing to pay your ticket back(?) and there is also all kind of complex situations going around in the US home which supports the idea.

Don't know if that helped. Just sharing ideas.

[Louise]

Well I don't know about the system in US but I would call for the child protection thing.

On the otherhand: Why don't you move back to your mom's house? He was even willing to pay your ticket back(?) and there is also all kind of complex situations going around in the US home which supports the idea.

Don't know if that helped. Just sharing ideas.

I wouldnt be able to learn german, alone bieng friendless there ;;

[NaRu]

Just move to your grandmother's place. Leave the drama and start your life over there

[1000mAh]

well thats bad. my father, or that's what I call him, (actualy he's just my brothers dad), devorced with my mom about 11 years ago (I got to know that he ain't father of mine 6 years ago), but anyway, he is heavy drinker, he does stupid things when he hes drunk enough... well I've never sufered physicaly about it, but he has hited my bro, and has punched a huge hole to his toilet door. well quess how much I suffered emotionaly? well I've never been able to trust anyone else than my mom after those incident...

but anyway, the point is you can't forget him. you can start allover in your grammas place like NaRu said, I recomend that. but you can't forgive him but you can't also be forgiving him 'cause after all he is yur dad. maybe that he learns to value you after youleave, but it is too late, you may able to talk to him peacefully after years, but he will never get back what he lost. 'cause you can't never forgive him completly.
well I have good relations with my dad now, but not so good than they were before, I visit him sometimes, I spent weekend with him and his wife, but I've never been able toforgive him everything he has done,I've forgiven allmost evrything he did to me, but I've never forgiven him about that how he treated my bro. so my relation with him is nowdays more like older friend who wisits rarely.
So move ot your grammas place and don'teven thinkabout him (or try to do so), after some years you may be able to talk to him normaly and ask how he's doing.

but I've lost my trust to humans. and I'm not probably never gonna get it back   I were very social and friendly to every one, now my heart is like a rock and I make friends hardly, I've couple good friends who can enjoy from trust, then of course my oldest friend who has allmost complete trust. but these kind of things damage people permamently, not physically but emotionally. But relly, move to your gramma.

[vuzedome]

Move.
To.
Grandma's.

Yes, my advice is golden.

[namaiki]

Just move to your grandmother's place. Leave the drama and start your life over there

But relly, move to your gramma.

Move.
To.
Grandma's.

Yes, my advice is golden.

+1

Sounds like you need to get away from there.

[1000mAh]

Just move to your grandmother's place. Leave the drama and start your life over there

But relly, move to your gramma.

Move.
To.
Grandma's.

Yes, my advice is golden.

+1

you captured tha main part 1+

[Ixarku]

I agree with everyone else... separate yourself from the drama and start over.  Change is scary but sometimes letting things stay the same is worse.

Not sure how old you are, but if you're old enough to work, and assuming school does not interfere, as soon as you figure out where you are going to stay, the next priority should be getting a job and working towards becoming independent, so you don't have to live with anyone you don't want to.

[JoonasTo]

Why not go to Germany?
You're 16. You'll pick the language up in a few months.
And most people do speak at least some amount of english there.
There is the possibility of going to english school too.

[Sosseres]

Why not go to Germany?
You're 16. You'll pick the language up in a few months.
And most people do speak at least some amount of english there.
There is the possibility of going to english school too.

That also works, if you do go that route I would suggest skipping a year of school to learn the language, which would also introduce you to people. Then go on with school, it would be impossible to just continue unless you went with your native language/English school.

[Louise]

Why not go to Germany?
You're 16. You'll pick the language up in a few months.
And most people do speak at least some amount of english there.
There is the possibility of going to english school too.

Reason why I dont want to go to grandma's is because her income is quite low & I dont want to trouble her in her old age ;;
uh...germany, the area were my mother is has no english school Not even english classes... ;;

p.s: My brain is that of a 80yr olds ;;

[1000mAh]

Why not go to Germany?
You're 16. You'll pick the language up in a few months.
And most people do speak at least some amount of english there.
There is the possibility of going to english school too.

Reason why I dont want to go to grandma's is because her income is quite low & I dont want to trouble her in her old age ;;
uh...germany, the area were my mother is has no english school Not even english classes... ;;

p.s: My brain is that of a 80yr olds ;;

well that's just more reason to go toyour grandmas place.

I agree with everyone else... separate yourself from the drama and start over.  Change is scary but sometimes letting things stay the same is worse.

Not sure how old you are, but if you're old enough to work, and assuming school does not interfere, as soon as you figure out where you are going to stay, the next priority should be getting a job and working towards becoming independent, so you don't have to live with anyone you don't want to.

and that is quote good, if your grandma has low income, you could get somekind of part time job.

[Sosseres]

Reason why I dont want to go to grandma's is because her income is quite low & I dont want to trouble her in her old age ;;
uh...germany, the area were my mother is has no english school Not even english classes... ;;

p.s: My brain is that of a 80yr olds ;;

Most grandparents would take the problems that comes from that willingly. I don't know how old your is or if she would though, checking might be a good idea. Even if you feel you interfere the feeling might not be mutual...

Even if you don't move in there, having an adult to talk to isn't a bad idea.

[1000mAh]

Reason why I dont want to go to grandma's is because her income is quite low & I dont want to trouble her in her old age ;;
uh...germany, the area were my mother is has no english school Not even english classes... ;;

p.s: My brain is that of a 80yr olds ;;

Most grandparents would take the problems that comes from that willingly. I don't know how old your is or if she would though, checking might be a good idea. Even if you feel you interfere the feeling might not be mutual...

Even if you don't move in there, having an adult to talk to isn't a bad idea.

I agree with you

[JoonasTo]

Going over to your granparents shouldn't be a problem financially for THEM. I'm pretty sure they can afford food.
But are you going to be ready to change YOUR standard of living if required?

[Tatsujin]

I'm most likely breaking alot of forum rules here, but I dont care...I really need help or suggestions or ANYTHING!!

My father was quite abusive when I was little, even now... *5 months ago he backed me up to a wall and held me there yelling in my face* This is gonna sound all emo, or seem like im trying to get attention, but thats not the case... Im going to say the jist of it, U can PM me to find out more...
well as said, my father has always been abusive when I was little. 7 months ago I moved in with him because, as caring as my mother is...I just wanted to try something new... we frequently fought, he got physical many times, but I yelled back, and everytime I say something logical that condradicts what he says, he Rages even more and tries to change the conversation. he's even yelled at me to stab him with my katana *During one of our fights I leaned against the table and my hand was next to it, so I think he took it as a threat...when I was only grabbing the furniture next 2 it for support*  He's always trying to kick me out of the house/ send me to my mothers. issue with that? she's in a different country, germany to be exact. He's always busting through the door, it doesnt even lock anymore the handles loose. He claims hes trying to help me by taking me to a therapist, but guess what THE THERAPIST IS HIS FRIEND. He's always doing things that make getting to my life goal harder & harder, never anything to help it, basically He wants me to change to what he finds suitable, just 5 min ago he said "IF YOU DONT MAKE A 360 DEGREE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE YOU DONT BELONG HERE" He's willing to pay for a flight ticket to send me away for good, but not willing to send me there for a month to see my mother & sister. Well today...was the physiatrist/therapist, she wrote some schedule for me....which ofc went against EVERYTHING i told her and leaned towards what my father wants out of me, On the way home I told him about the 50/50 for a flight ticket to see my mom, and then it started, he started complaining & whining & talking bad about her, making himself look all innocent and angelic. HE ALWAYS TRIES TO PUT ME AGAINST HER. so when we got home  I got so mad at him I ripped up the schedule, got out of the car, and kicked the door a few times. He yelled "YOUR GOING TO KICK MY CAR?! ILL KICK YOUR!" So yeah...he did... I didnt leave a damn Dent in his car. then he stormed into my room going "IM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE AND SHOW THEM THE RIPPED PAPERS, AND YOU'LL BE IN JAIL" bullshit like that, then he called his little whore of a wife and told her and he's like "I told her so she's a witness" I laughed at him and told her she wasnt, and he Raged at me. So i blocked my door with a chair and added an old printer for weight, he broke right thru it... and said some more things, which I wont go into... he says he provides me food *yeah? rlly... thats a half truth*, clothing *HE hasnt even bought me a pair of underwear in his life, shelter *cant argue with that. and that its ALL he needs to do for me. at the slightest issue he says im bieng shipped off cause I "dont belong" because this is "his house" and he can do what he wants since im the child, that I have to follow every single rule if i wanna stay, etc. I just gently remind him this...He's the ONLY one with custody right over me in the U.S of A, he CANNOT send me to my mothers if she says he cant. doing so would prove illegal, though I do wish he would rot in the fiery pits of the underworld, I dont want it happening when im here, I dont want to go down with him & his whorish new wife... *who steals my shit*

I dont know... If its time to go to grandmas, or call child protective services or what. This is all stressing me to a high degree, and a few of u alrdy know what a by product of this was. He's been eliminating ways I cope with the issue, I dont know how long my sanity will remain to be honest...

I'm sorry about this post if it breaks any rules. I just have to be heard, maybe..luckly... someone here can help me cope of find a way thru this. I dont want anyone replying just to say "I feel bad for you" or "im sorry" because, theres kids out there in worse situations, Im not looking for pity, Im looking for solutions...

Move to Grandma, even if she has a low income base; offer to get a part-time job to pay off the bills with her. I've gone through several friends who moved out of their parents house because of similar issues to what your having. They're living with other family members or on their own. If you stay still, just like how you are right now, then you have nothing else but cold feet. Changing is scary but sometimes for the better. Push through already. It's now, not later. Or are you going to let him ruin your life? ..

Edit -- Adding one more thing, take some series of steps to see what you need to do to get away from him. Nothing happens in a flash or day over night. Speak to Grandma first and see what she says. If she agrees, then start from there.

[temuchin]

well you have 2 options. 

1) talk to grandma and see what she thinks about you possibly moving in with her.   even for the time being until you can afford the ticket in case your father reneges.

2) move back with your mother.   i suggest this if possible.  don't worry about learning German- you will pick it up.  is your mother a German national?  does your sister speak German?   i assume they both speak English as you recently moved from there.   of course you are nervous and your mind is clouded- anyone living in a state of constant fear and stress would be.

all i can say is that i would forget about human services- it is a gov't institution laced in bureaucratic mire.   you recognize the danger you are in - so don't hesitate to act.   believe me, nothing good comes from suffering such abuse over the long term.   

[NaRu]

Why not go to Germany?
You're 16. You'll pick the language up in a few months.
And most people do speak at least some amount of english there.
There is the possibility of going to english school too.

Reason why I dont want to go to grandma's is because her income is quite low & I dont want to trouble her in her old age ;;
uh...germany, the area were my mother is has no english school Not even english classes... ;;

p.s: My brain is that of a 80yr olds ;;

Ok well even though the choices you have isnt what you want you shouldnt make excuses why not to make them. You have to balance which is worse, moving to germany, moving to grandam's or staying where you are. Stop making excuses why you dont want to and do what is needed to. You just need to do what it. Move out is my advise, no matter where you end up it wont be as bad as living with your dad. What do you think will happen when you turn 18? You prick of a father will kick you out because he has the right to and you wont have the government protecting you. Its either move out now or move out when you are 18....

[fohfoh]

I say GTFO.

My current neighbor moved from Canada to Japan and lived there by herself for like 9 years. She left when she was 16 or 17. She didn't know a word of Japanese. Moved back when she met her spouse. They're both pretty whitewashed, but they're pretty cool too.