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My first book.
Xenoran:
--- Quote from: CRxTRDUDE on December 03, 2010, 11:52:15 AM ---Hello.
So what happens after ch 1?
Chapter 1 (I call chapers as "ch") could be the present plot. Then you recap it to the past experience say 1 day ago (or for nurses 1 day Prior to Burial ;) ) in the second ch. Is that what you have in mind?
--- End quote ---
honestly? I have a few ideas
one idea is to move this Ch1 to be the Preface and put it in the middle or end of book and have it start off with her as a child this hasnt been told yet in the story but she was a failed reserch project for a major company. so i was thinking of making chapter 1 like ch7 or 12 or something ... or actually making that the last chapter and doing a second book where this one left off .... or making the second book the prestory to this one. ... but as far as what happens directly after this .... they ofcoarse are going to have a discussion about her being in a coma for three months ... how Arron found her and discuss her new name as Alice since has no memories (thats a key part to the black opening, she has no memories no anything) and cant remember her name ... and she isnt dead ..... she is in a hospital bed lol .... Did you read the version on my blog? there is no burial
CRxTRDUDE:
Oh, sorry. I'm too outdated. hehe.
But anyways, It can be established that somehow in the Prologue, "Alice" is supposed to be talking to her surrogate mother, a scientist, about who she "supposed to be" while masking the truth... That scene can be remembered like over again by "Alice" due to her memory gaps sparking together or something...
I'm not really good on story making. I'm a learner myself, I'm making my comic book too. But I hope that I helped in a way.
Xenoran:
--- Quote from: CRxTRDUDE on December 03, 2010, 01:51:05 PM ---Oh, sorry. I'm too outdated. hehe.
But anyways, It can be established that somehow in the Prologue, "Alice" is supposed to be talking to her surrogate mother, a scientist, about who she "supposed to be" while masking the truth... That scene can be remembered like over again by "Alice" due to her memory gaps sparking together or something...
I'm not really good on story making. I'm a learner myself, I'm making my comic book too. But I hope that I helped in a way.
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Alice is a real person born a real person but was given to the compony for research atleast thats how i have it written in my notebook and in my head
oh and yo should read what i have in my blog :) it is different starting with the 2nd paragraph i believe i re-worded some things and added things at beginning then i also added pages 2 - 3
Nazo:
--- Quote from: fohfoh on December 03, 2010, 06:00:54 AM ---Dammit Nazo, where have you been? I posted my story somewhere in theses forums if you want to take a look at it during your free time.
--- End quote ---
Link it to me some time in PM or something...
As for Xenoran's story... my suggestion is to read up on writing techniques and working on your grammar. Also, the present tense that you're using is odd and difficult to use, although if you choose to use it, you need to stay consistent. Same with first person/third person perspective. Well, that's about all the advice I'll give since there's a fair amount of fundamentals that I think you need to work on to have a story that is more pleasing to read.
rostheferret:
1) Expect a soul-sucking depressing ordeal in getting the novel completed. Getting started is easy compared to keeping the momentum going.
2) Planning is one of the most important things you can do. I'm not just referring to what each chapter entails, but character planning, sketching the landscape and inspiration for the settings. If you don't know how a given character will react in any given situation, their motives and thoughts, childhood; every single detail about them, how can you convey a realistic character to someone else?
3) Adjectives: the forgotten kind of words. Your opening felt a little...repetitive . Using some more description rather than referring to crying (e.g. the delicate trickle flowing down my cheek; as I felt the gentle splash of my tears on the glacial ground where I lay, I screamed out into the vast void of nothingness) might help spice things up a little. Nazo's also right on the length; if you can say the same thing concisely, it only makes sense to do so.
"what els could it be?"
*else
"It said his name was Arron,"
*Usually spelt Aaron
"twelve beets per minute."
*beats
I'm sure there are others. Write once, read twice. Aloud. The spelling mistakes are easier to catch than the bits that just sound awkward (though this hasn't been an issue so far). Reading in your head you'll often read what you intended to write, and not what's actually written. I'm also reserving judgement thus far, but there's little right now that seems unique; there's no hook. But of course, you've only really just started so that could be to come, but I'd try to make sure there was some intriguing hint or unexpected development within the first few pages. Even if you don't really visit it until later, it needs something to get the readers interest.
Since it seems appropriate, my credentials. I started it when I was out of work and lost my momentum when I lost all my notes, both on my hard drive and my backup on my memory pen within a week of each other, and I haven't gotten the time to re-write them all. As such, only up to chapter 7 got completed. I do plan on going back to it eventually, but for now it's on indefinite hiatus.
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