Wow, some of you folks have a really skewed way of looking at things. There's nothing wrong with feeling pain and sadness at the death of someone close to you. There's nothing wrong with crying at funerals either. It's not selfish, it's not a matter of inconvenience, it's not necessarily about self-pity -- it's simply a normal human reaction. People deal with death and with grief in different ways. All of these blanket statements about what grief is or isn't are pointless. People should be judged as individuals.
Personal story:
My mom and both her parents all died at different times in different circumstances in 1999. I had moved out of my parents house for the first time ever in late 1998, and had moved with my girlfriend from Florida to California, knowing nothing about CA and having no job or anything lined up. And I was in a tough economic situation at the time anyway, so I was under a tremendous amount of pressure even before my family members had started dying. I was close with my parents & grandparents, and no one close to me had ever died before.
Eventually I moved back to Florida, and things have gotten a lot better for me since then. But the deaths of my family members affected me deeply, not to mention how much it hurt my other family members who are still alive. I cried, I went through periods of depression. It hurt to know that my mom's dreams had been abruptly cut off, that there was no resolution or closure to the problems in her life or my dad's life, that there were only unanswered questions that remain to this day. It hurt to see my dad and my other family members' lives thrown into chaos for a while as they struggled to deal with the same events that I did.
The more I think about it, frankly, the more I find it offensive that some of you seem to trivialize grief over the death of a loved one. It's a deeply personal experience, and if you're going to judge someone on their reactions to personal loss, look to yourself first.
As for what funerals are... if you really think it's only about the dead person, you've missed the point. Funerals are about a lot of things. They are a symbolic chance to say goodbye to the person who's left. They are a chance for family members & friends to grieve together; the weight of grief can be lessened in the sharing of it. Funerals are an opportunity to publicly celebrate the good things in the dead person's life, to remember them, and they provide an opportunity for each person to reflect on the lives of themselves and their loved ones. Symbolism and ritual are hugely important to some people, and there are few rituals that are more personal than weddings and funerals. Not everyone is capable of deep self-reflection, and these types of events can help individuals bring their feelings into focus.
