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Are You Alone?
EmptyMemory:
--- Quote from: harpy on March 16, 2012, 09:50:06 PM ---I wonder - what do you people think - what relationships should be about? (beside fun ad free stuff if you are a female)
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For me, relationships are just strong friendships. Because I define them this way, I'm only willing to commit to one if it came to being in the same way you would think a strong friendship would.
(click to show/hide)i.e. You become friends.
I know that this way of thinking puts me in the risk of "being in the friend-zone," but I think I'm okay with that. I mean if I have a strong friendship with a friend, and I want to transform that friendship into a relationship, then I'll only really be satisfied with that relationship if it's something she wants as well. For her to say, "I value our friendship too much," means to me that her lack of will to take it further probably has to do with her lack of interest in me in that way. And if she's not interested in me in that way, then it only makes sense for us to stay friends in the first place.
I'd rather find out that the relationship wouldn't work out in this way, then it would if I had just met her, asked her out before really getting to know her, and finding out in the middle of the relationship.
Ixarku:
--- Quote from: Nikkoru on March 17, 2012, 05:23:18 PM ---You should get a motorcycle and a leather jacket with this on the back
(click to show/hide)
It's 100 percent win.
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Rofl, hell yeah, lone wolf baby, that's me! (Except, I will never fucking ever get on a motorcycle again. My uncle put me on his bike when I was around 4 years old. I touched the exhaust pipe with my leg and burned myself, haven't been on a bike since. Of course, at my age I now intellectually understand how dangerous riding a motorcycle can be, so I have even less reason to ride one now.)
Yah, Harpy, it sounds like we have some similar opinions. I'm pretty egocentric but full of self-doubt at the same time. I do think it's wrong for people to get into relationships expecting to change the other person. If one can't adapt to another person's foibles / personality, then why in the hell date them in the first place?? But adapting to another person doesn't mean that you should change who you are at a fundamental level, either.
EmptyMemory:
--- Quote from: Ixarku on March 18, 2012, 01:21:15 AM ---But adapting to another person doesn't mean that you should change who you are at a fundamental level, either.
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I think it's less about "should I have to" and more about "what am I comfortable with." I mean, obviously, if you're comfortable with changing your entire personality for said person, then they're something wrong with you, but I think we can define that as a different problem entirely.
metro.:
Lol whomever mentioned the Friend Zone that used to happen to me all time when I was being an emotional child. They say nice guys don't get laid or something right? So I suppressed the desire to care about anything other then furthering myself and now...well friends are supposed to offer comfort in whatever way they can right?
Really though, I think it was more of me giving up on actually trying to find a relationship or whatever. People suck, and until they stop doing that, or start doing it really well there isn't there for me. I don't trust other people and myself even less.
Ixarku:
--- Quote from: EmptyMemory on March 18, 2012, 01:41:27 AM ---
--- Quote from: Ixarku on March 18, 2012, 01:21:15 AM ---But adapting to another person doesn't mean that you should change who you are at a fundamental level, either.
--- End quote ---
I think it's less about "should I have to" and more about "what am I comfortable with." I mean, obviously, if you're comfortable with changing your entire personality for said person, then they're something wrong with you, but I think we can define that as a different problem entirely.
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It's probably as much a matter of the amount of & nature of any change as it is what you're comfortable doing. Changing religions to adapt to your partner's beliefs could be a huge deal for some people but not for others. A person who's fairly independent is probably not going to give up their independence just to satisfy some control freak's needs. But someone who's too dependent on other people could learn a measure of self-determination from their partner and would probably benefit from it. A hot-tempered person might clash too much with their significant other, and most likely should learn some self-control, but may or may not be capable of that kind of change.
In a relationship, it boils down to finding someone who's personality meshes well with your own in a positive way. The ideal situation is to learn from each other and adopt any traits or habits that make each of you a better person. The degree to which this can or should happen is, of course, highly variable from couple to couple.
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