Are You Alone?

[Nikkoru]

Personally, I think the important factor in a relationship is whether both people feel self-esteem at the end of the day. If you're unhappy with yourself going into a relationship, chances are it's not going to go well, and you'll come off feeling even worse.Then there are couples where one feels the need to strip the other of self-esteem in order to validate themselves, they're even worse. Taking people who are happy and making them feel like shit. When you care about how your partner feels, and he/she you, you can accommodate each other.


Love is a drug with some awful withdrawal symptoms.

[EmptyMemory]

But adapting to another person doesn't mean that you should change who you are at a fundamental level, either.

I think it's less about "should I have to" and more about "what am I comfortable with." I mean, obviously, if you're comfortable with changing your entire personality for said person, then they're something wrong with you, but I think we can define that as a different problem entirely.

It's probably as much a matter of the amount of & nature of any change as it is what you're comfortable doing.  Changing religions to adapt to your partner's beliefs could be a huge deal for some people but not for others.  A person who's fairly independent is probably not going to give up their independence just to satisfy some control freak's needs.  But someone who's too dependent on other people could learn a measure of self-determination from their partner and would probably benefit from it.  A hot-tempered person might clash too much with their significant other, and most likely should learn some self-control, but may or may not be capable of that kind of change.
 
In a relationship, it boils down to finding someone who's personality meshes well with your own in a positive way.  The ideal situation is to learn from each other and adopt any traits or habits that make each of you a better person.  The degree to which this can or should happen is, of course, highly variable from couple to couple.

Yeah, I think I can agree to that.

[Nodame-chan]

Those who dont understand the beauty of loneliness, will never be able to feel the freedom

[JoonasTo]

Single and because of the freedom not looking to hookup in the near future either.

[metro.]

Those who dont understand the beauty of loneliness, will never be able to feel the freedom

Nice line.

Although, some people try to get think that relationships are the only way to go to be happy at any point.

I have a friend like that, I want to choke her sometimes.

[Hadouken]

I used to think being in relationships was the only way to have sex.

[metro.]

I used to think being in relationships was the only way to have sex.

Hahahaha.

That's adorable.

[AceHigh]

Nah, you can even have "fuckfriends" to have sex, but without any real relationship. However those sometimes tend to evolve into relationships as well after a while... 

[metro.]

Nah, you can even have "fuckfriends" to have sex, but without any real relationship. However those sometimes tend to evolve into relationships as well after a while...

Haha see I just usually lose a friend when that happens. Which I'm okay with, like whatever, if they're not willing to stick around then I guess she isn't worth my time.

[Hadouken]

Nah, you can even have "fuckfriends" to have sex, but without any real relationship. However those sometimes tend to evolve into relationships as well after a while...

I didn't figure this out until I turned 18. Before that, I was just "going out" with girls and not having any feelings for them just because I wanted to fuck.

[Sakura90]

I'm of those that are alone... and no, "fuckfriends" don't count for me (had a couple)

But in my case it's too obvious... I'm girly, love pink and pastel colors, I like crossdressing and if I am to say "I love you" it'll be in Jap. Girls don't like girly guys, most ppl find crossdressing too weird, maybe even sick, and almost anyone runs away when they see a kanji. Who's going to love me? LOL, I decided not to take the depressing route and fuck 'em all. Maybe a "fuckfriend" comes across, that's ok (although I'm not in the mood right now). It's not that I'm supper happy about being alone, but that's it, if I'm insane... I'm just insane. I can't help it

[AceHigh]

although I'm not in the mood right now

[harpy]

.. Girls don't like girly guys..

bs

girls now love girly girls boys. I have few friends...em people who I still believe are gay no matter how many girls they fuck.
All that hipster/emo or what ever else movement going on. Bunch of men wearing dresses and stuff they should not be wearing including pink stuff.
Darn my manly brother even wears pink shirts (I believe it's his blonde wife's bad influence, he used to be so nice and dressing only in black, heh)

[glittersores]

Personally, I think the important factor in a relationship is whether both people feel self-esteem at the end of the day. If you're unhappy with yourself going into a relationship, chances are it's not going to go well, and you'll come off feeling even worse.Then there are couples where one feels the need to strip the other of self-esteem in order to validate themselves, they're even worse. Taking people who are happy and making them feel like shit. When you care about how your partner feels, and he/she you, you can accommodate each other.


Love is a drug with some awful withdrawal symptoms.

Can I just point out how perfect this post is?

I've had a lot of bad relationships. Being with someone just so you're not alone is not the way to go. But when you finally meet that person who can make everything feel better even when times are so horrible, its great. I'm married now and everything isn't better, but he understands and trusts me and that's what matters.

[harpy]

I wonder why people get married now days.
Most of them will just end up getting a divorce or live with a human being they do not like to live with, but by then they will be even more afraid to be alone. Isn't it more sane to live together, love and breath together without involvement of lawyers?

Is it to make breaking up longer AND expensive?


Oh I just remembered a nice quote about relationships "Are you going to be sane, or not lonely?"

[metro.]

I wonder why people get married now days.
Most of them will just end up getting a divorce or live with a human being they do not like to live with, but by then they will be even more afraid to be alone. Isn't it more sane to live together, love and breath together without involvement of lawyers?

Is it to make breaking up longer AND expensive?


Oh I just remembered a nice quote about relationships "Are you going to be sane, or not lonely?"

I think it's because people WANT to believe love exists for them, they want to have their life go like a movie and no matter how many times they fail miserably they still keep trying. Humans are not logical creatures, we realize it hurts and we keep trying to do it, the general population is a bunch of addicts in constant pursuit of a fix.

People get married because they realize they're 25 and they haven't had kids yet, so they need to start thinking about it, so they hop on the first person that gives them a second glance and force it to work through sheer will power.

[harpy]

Hm, even I know love do exist. It might not be all that romance and all that stuff, but still it's there.

I just do not see what love have to do with marriage, well beside ruining the love.

I understand back in time when people had their imaginary friends in form of God/Gods they had to do stuff like marriage, but now its just kind of stupid.
I do understand that back then they was afraid to be left alone with the kid and so on. But now one can get a peace of paper saying - "yeah, this is your baby - pay up",no need for another paper saying - "you belong to me and only me". As if that means anything.

I get it if one wants to change surname, that is if the one person have is horrible beyond comprehensions, but even then there is simpler solution.

And what idiot gets so desperate at age of 25 when life just begins, well beside ones with imaginary friends, can not hold these responsible need to blame their upbringing or idiocy to believe that believing in god should be regulated by some kind of old fashioned code of morality.

[Garret02]

How exactly marriage ruins love? If two people really love each other then marriage doesn't change anything except female surname. Well it changes your material situation but for the better. Eg if you're not married and your significant other dies without last will, you get jack shit. Hell, even with last will the asshole part of his/her family will get a bunch of lawyers and make it so the will doesn't count because "he/she was not in his/her clear mind when writting the will" or "was made by the significant other" or something. And I'm speaking with experience here because some asshole part of my grand grandfather canceld his last will because they weren't satisfied with what they got.

[metro.]

And what idiot gets so desperate at age of 25 when life just begins, well beside ones with imaginary friends, can not hold these responsible need to blame their upbringing or idiocy to believe that believing in god should be regulated by some kind of old fashioned code of morality.

You might be surprised... The amount of people I know at that age or younger, think they need to hurry up and get married.

I don't understand it.

[AceHigh]

Darn my manly brother even wears pink shirts

Not long ago wearing pink and flamboyant clothes was the sign of manliness, since you had the balls to do it.

Example