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A Whole New Light

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elvikun:

--- Quote from: metro. on April 10, 2012, 05:59:49 PM --- (click to show/hide)
--- Quote from: elvikun on April 10, 2012, 12:24:25 PM ---Let me start with *facepalm* ok... no, actually, wait... *faceplam* Oh. Good now. To the topic calmly.

First off the "I had sex. It was wonderfull" and "I'm not a virgin anymore" is about as reliable as Fox news talking about geography, especially when "teens" say it. At some point it became terribly cool/uncool to be and to not be virgin, lies rushed in fast, because noone wants to be uncool, right?

Secondly, if someone is sexy, I don't see how believing they had sex makes them nicer or on the other hand, not having sex makes them unattractive. If someone is hot, they are hot. Period. Isn't it more like "They're having sex and damn, not with me" if anything? I think everyone imagines at least a little bit, but I didn't figure it connects to virginity.

And for the third... Loosing virginity does change you? How? Egobooster perhaps. But why? At the time you lost virginity, you more than likely sucked like hell if you're male and if you're female, you're left with pretty mixed feelings and thankfully for the male counterpart, with nothing to compare it to.
You can't even say it makes you 20% cooler, because it doesn't.  Even tho, if you go with the wave or stress yourself over virginity, I guess it can make you feel a lot better and relieved.

I mean, for crying out loud, this isn't 14th century, virginity is irrelevant and sex is part of life just as much as using car.

This myth about life before and after virginity, the great cataclysmic change that comes with it made many young people into pathethic beings. I used to know one such... affected guy. Forcefully trying to prove to everyone that he "fucked X hard, YEEEAAAW" because he obviously couldn't feel male enough if anyone though he is a virgin (Enjoyble thing is that even now, 6 years later I still think the closest he ever got to girl was being in the same room as one). On the other hand, you have those girls going "I'm 15 and I'm STILL a virgin, I much be so ugly, cry, cry, cry, depression, depression".
Will people in general ever get wiser? Doubt it.

Right. 23 / f / no.
Just a reminder. I'm not angry. I'm  always talking like that beofre someone slaps me with "chill" hehe.

--- End quote ---

First off, chill ;)

Lots of what you said I kind of expected from someone. This is not a "omguys I had sex look at my e-peen it's throbbing!", I'm actually just curious about this. In hindsight, considering the population this was probably the worse place to ask. Not about lack of sex but just how people tend to view it.

Anyways, losing virginity wasn't about the "cool" thing, it was most about the psychological changes that occurred, at least for me and to some of the other people I talked to. This is going to come across dickish, but I lost mine earlier then most, so I feel like I missed the middle part. I at the "oh man I wanna have sex but I'm a virgin" stage for about a month, so my knowledge of this angst people go through with dealing with virginity or whatever is lost on me.

Like I said, I probably sound like I'm trying to brag or whatever. I'm not. For a few people I've talked to, and I kind of agree, looking at someone differently knowing they've had sex, is more about relating to them in some way. Maybe you're just emotionally jaded/mature Elvi, but for every girl I've talked to, losing their virginity was an emotional experience. So perhaps this is simply a case of me not having enough knowledge of the female, well, human psyche.

I don't think I actually achieved anything with that, but I wrote it out so I might as well just go with it.

--- End quote ---
Oh, for the record, I didn't mean you are flashing your enormous pencil on the internet, you should already know me good enough to know I actully enjoy people posting weird, revolting and unusual topics. What I meant is that when you asked people about your age or younger about virginity, there is a good chance they said "Sure, I have sex, like, all the time, you know." but it's not truth, just trying to look "cool"(And frankly, that goes tripple for males). How do you tell who is telling the truth?

And for the second paragraph, what I meant... You can't really experience huge changes unless you are extremely nervous, anxious or otherwise hyped about having the first sex, because no real changes occur. And let's face it, teenagers (And I mean 15-17 cast) seem to be more hyped about this every year.
Little bit ironic, considering what I'm saying, is that I actually "lost virginity" a little while after 15th birthday, but the thing is - It wasn't because of necessity, anxiety or need to be cool, it simply happened, magic of the moment and I don't think I actually ever said whether I'm a virgin or not to anyone face to face, no matter the reason and certainly not because of "coolness". It just seems that many people simply do it because they "have to".

And excuse me... While I'm not exactly girly *glitter* girl (and I'm glad for that) ...l I'm emotianally jaded? Well fuck you, sir.  :D
Sure, it's emotional experience, but isn't it for the man-kind as well? Well. Minus the obvious thing of physical nature, erm.
Isn't first kiss emotional? Holding hands for the first time? It's the thrill of something totaly new combined with the thrill of "love".
...
On the other hand, I think loosing my bike keys was slightly more emotional. Also lasted longer.




@Goldfrapp
I have to disagree about the "obvious" signs. Someone has style, someone doesn't. Someone is shy, someone isn't. Someone is ugly, someone isn't. Someone looks like rotten nerd, someone like absolute metrosexual. Unless you have serious psychological problems, this won't change suddenly because of virginity in-or-out. So to speak.

harpy:
Mmmmmmmm, let me think.
If I get to know that someone is virgin after reaching age of 20 I do thing differently of them (if they are no religious), make a small smile and ask - why? Sometimes reason are quite normal and my thought go right beck as they were before.

If its before...well I do not really talk to people that age irl that much so I have no idea. Well if you are not super cute female under my sight line I do not notice you and I could not care less if you are or are not virgin. And if you are a teen I do not really take you seriously most of the time, that is unless you have something interesting to say, but people before 20 usually don't. There are some exceptions, but for some reasons there are none irl, just in forums and so on internet things. I guess because in forums they do not think about where to stick their penis while posting...well not that much as irl. And I just do not get along with most females, I simply do not get them most of the time...or understand....   

Its not like something changes after I get to know their state of sexual experience. If I liked them before I do like them afterwards just I would not consider then to be my sexual partners. I am to selfish to get around someones elses virginity. I dealt with mine, I feel like I have done my quota.

Goldfrapp:

--- Quote from: elvikun on April 10, 2012, 06:36:54 PM ---
@Goldfrapp
I have to disagree about the "obvious" signs. Someone has style, someone doesn't. Someone is shy, someone isn't. Someone is ugly, someone isn't. Someone looks like rotten nerd, someone like absolute metrosexual. Unless you have serious psychological problems, this won't change suddenly because of virginity in-or-out. So to speak.


--- End quote ---

Yeah, you got a point. Still, age is significant here. Im not that old, but got a few years on you. With some people it wouldn't be so hard to find out why they still are virgins when they are closing in on, or passing 30. And yes, I belive if you havent had sex when your closing in, or passing 30, it does something about your self image, and what people think of you if they find out.

rostheferret:

--- Quote from: elvikun on April 10, 2012, 06:36:54 PM --- What I meant is that when you asked people about your age or younger about virginity, there is a good chance they said "Sure, I have sex, like, all the time, you know." but it's not truth, just trying to look "cool"(And frankly, that goes tripple for males). How do you tell who is telling the truth?
--- End quote ---

There's an old joke; you ask a man how many women he's slept with, divide by three to find the real answer. Ask a woman how many men she's slept with, double it to find the real answer. :P

The most interesting point I've seen raised is whether you view someone differently after sex (rather than specifically virginity). Avoiding the obvious 'well now I don't have to imagine what she looks like topless hurr hurr' type jokes (ok, I had to make one >.<) I usually don't think of them in a new light at all. I'll have decided already what I wanted from the situation, whether we were in a blossoming relationship or we were both drunk in a bar. I don't really become any more emotionally entangled; I don't really know them any better as a person do I? It's just a fun activity. The same, however, is most certainly not true for women. I don't know why, but the difference before and after is that afterwards even the most benign of comments, ordinarily ignored, become deep painful insults causing them to burst into tears leaving the guy scratching his head. The phase usually passes but the amount of time I've reduced partners to tears without a clue why is mind boggling.

AceHigh:

--- Quote from: Goldfrapp on April 10, 2012, 07:13:20 PM ---
--- Quote from: elvikun on April 10, 2012, 06:36:54 PM ---
@Goldfrapp
I have to disagree about the "obvious" signs. Someone has style, someone doesn't. Someone is shy, someone isn't. Someone is ugly, someone isn't. Someone looks like rotten nerd, someone like absolute metrosexual. Unless you have serious psychological problems, this won't change suddenly because of virginity in-or-out. So to speak.


--- End quote ---

Yeah, you got a point. Still, age is significant here. Im not that old, but got a few years on you. With some people it wouldn't be so hard to find out why they still are virgins when they are closing in on, or passing 30. And yes, I belive if you havent had sex when your closing in, or passing 30, it does something about your self image, and what people think of you if they find out.

--- End quote ---

Not to mention that Norwegians are culturally very blunt and informal, so the signs will be more obvious, than in other cultures. However there is a diversity in personalities in every country.

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