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Dating "Deal Braker"
Nikkoru:
Except that's more of a cultural product than natural tendency. What's physically attractive to us changes too much to be something latent. Usually it correlates to some degree to what people perceive as healthy, but for the most part it's all an illusion.
Certain skin tone, eye colour, and high or low cheekbones may unconsciously draw my attention and admiration or not -- but I would not refuse to date someone on those grounds. It just seems poor grounds to put an absolute term like "deal breaker" on it.
Also, this is apropos to your previous kerfuffle about feminism.
rostheferret:
--- Quote from: Ixarku on May 05, 2012, 01:49:05 PM ---
--- Quote from: AceHigh on May 05, 2012, 12:52:27 PM ---It will probably sound like I am a racist, but I can't help but feel that certain races are just not attractive to me. Although I agree that for example mulatto looks usually prettier than pure black chick, although even then I find caucasians more attractive.
While I agree that interbreeding is not a preferable outcome for the humanity's genetic pool, I wouldn't condemn people that just follow their aesthetic sense if they prefer to breed with their own ethnic group.
--- End quote ---
It's not racist to be physically attracted or not to certain physical characteristics. We're men, we're hardwired to pick up on visual cues, after all. I'm not particularly attracted to certain characteristics more commonly seen on black women -- for instance, I don't like the wide, flat nose with large nostrils, certain hair styles (braids, corn rows), women with gigantic butts or who are too fat. I've seen a few black women who I think are attractive but a great many just don't do it for me.
I do think it's silly and wrong to make moral judgements about a person based on their appearance -- this where it can cross the line into racism. A black women is no less of a person just because I don't find her physically attractive. So as far as the thing about people following an aesthetic preference to interbreed with their own ethnic group, if it's a decision based on what a person finds attractive, I don't have a problem with it. But if it's a decision based on whether someone thinks it's wrong to interbreed with other races because they are inferior for reasons x, y, and z, then I'd have to slap a swastika on their forehead.
--- End quote ---
I've wrestled with a similar question myself; given that I don't instinctively find coloured women attractive, is there a subconscious racist part of my mind? Or just a psychological preference? I'm leaning towards the latter - if it does affect my behaviour then it probably isn't too noticeable... I hope - but it does give me food for thought. When we're considering subconscious actions, how do you amend that?
As for the "Japanese teeth," it's one that seems to affect the entire region (I know most from Singapore, Malaysia and Korea have pretty awful teeth as well), but I'm in the crowd finding minor issues like that attractive. I don't find 'perfection' attractive at all; the idea of of a perfectly symmetrical face, perfectly white teeth and a perfect skin complexion just makes you look unrealistic, like a doll almost. A couple of quirks to break that up and make you look human is a good thing. I can't speak for Japan (not been there) but Malaysia had a LOT of very attractive women. When I went shopping, it wasn't the windows I spent most of my time looking at...
Mistgun_Zero:
--- Quote from: TiYlER on May 03, 2012, 08:46:24 PM ---
--- Quote from: GoGeTa006 on May 03, 2012, 08:24:23 PM ---and extremely short hair are just del breakers
--- End quote ---
Extremely short hair can be rather attractive on certain girls. I have experienced such a realization not too long ago when a female classmate cut her hair shorter than a good deal of the males. She is much more attractive now IMHO.
Deal-Breakers for me would be:
dumb
--- End quote ---
Same here. Also had the same incident with short hair's. Still prefer long, long hair, but if it matches that girl ain't no problem.
Ixarku:
--- Quote from: Nikkoru on May 05, 2012, 02:10:35 PM ---Except that's more of a cultural product than natural tendency. What's physically attractive to us changes too much to be something latent. Usually it correlates to some degree to what people perceive as healthy, but for the most part it's all an illusion.
Certain skin tone, eye colour, and high or low cheekbones may unconsciously draw my attention and admiration or not -- but I would not refuse to date someone on those grounds. It just seems poor grounds to put an absolute term like "deal breaker" on it.
--- End quote ---
I think you're making a moral judgement here, and I'm going to have to disagree. While a lot of what we judge people's appearances by is certainly learned, some of it is instinctive. For example, facial symmetry is one of those things that people pick up on unconsciously, and it's one of those markers by which we can tell if someone comes from good genetic stock or not. But regardless, there's absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to date someone or not on the basis of their physical characteristics, as long as you're not being a hypocrite about it. It may sound silly & shallow to say, "I'll never date someone with a big nose," or "If she's got no ass, I'm not interested," but the reality is that people make these kinds of judgments every day. A lot of people like to pretend that they're above those sorts of judgements when they're really not, and those are the people that annoy me.
Nikkoru:
--- Quote from: Ixarku on May 05, 2012, 02:28:13 PM ---
--- Quote from: Nikkoru on May 05, 2012, 02:10:35 PM ---Except that's more of a cultural product than natural tendency. What's physically attractive to us changes too much to be something latent. Usually it correlates to some degree to what people perceive as healthy, but for the most part it's all an illusion.
Certain skin tone, eye colour, and high or low cheekbones may unconsciously draw my attention and admiration or not -- but I would not refuse to date someone on those grounds. It just seems poor grounds to put an absolute term like "deal breaker" on it.
--- End quote ---
I think you're making a moral judgement here, and I'm going to have to disagree. While a lot of what we judge people's appearances by is certainly learned, some of it is instinctive. For example, facial symmetry is one of those things that people pick up on unconsciously, and it's one of those markers by which we can tell if someone comes from good genetic stock or not. But regardless, there's absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to date someone or not on the basis of their physical characteristics, as long as you're not being a hypocrite about it. It may sound silly & shallow to say, "I'll never date someone with a big nose," or "If she's got no ass, I'm not interested," but the reality is that people make these kinds of judgments every day. A lot of people like to pretend that they're above those sorts of judgements when they're really not, and those are the people that annoy me.
--- End quote ---
I judge everyone at all times, that's natural. The criticism however, is that those preferences aren't natural -- wanting a healthy mate is -- but the "big nose" or "flat ass" antithesis are just representative of larger cultural prejudices. The idea that you're "hard wired" to a certain type is simply fallacious, it's a personal/social abstraction not something you're born to accept. I don't think someone is racist for not being attracted to someone outside their homogeneity, but it's certainly part of the racial consciousness imposed on the contemporary human condition. As are people who only consider dating women or men of another marginally different phenotype aesthetic. Anyone who's studied the history of interracial sexual relationships in the United States for the last 200 years or so could easily draw larger conclusions around heterogeneity than simple taste in men or women.
If someone, with frankness, said that they were only interested in Chinese men/women - I suspect I would be bemused and self-conscious about it should I have entered a romantic relationship with them. It speaks of deeper psychological machination which may have unpleasant conclusions.
No, I won't say I condemn whomever you choose to date or not - man, woman, fish - but if you find yourself continually frustrated romantically it may be worth some introspection as to why you like or dislike what you do rather than simply accepting that's how you are.
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