^^ I all my test and talks indicated that I could do anything. What do you do with that. When you first think of it anything hmm great. I thought well then choose the best answer. I was a Perfectionist. So I thought take your time and look what does the greatest benefit to all. I haven't found an answer till now. First I got depressed not being able to find an acceptable answer had to take medicine. Got over it. No best choice there. fine. Second. I searched for reasons for living at all, because, during the depression your brain doesn't think at all. There's no logical reason for either death or live being better. As you have to take action to go to death and there was no reason for taking an action in this direction. Ah fine one answer life. All the way through this I somehow managed to work so I could get by, sure my parents helped, but I helped too by doing several work at home and earning money at workplaces, I don't like to be a burden sure I am sometimes, but I minimize it.
Now first get a living, be independent, don't drag people down, be happy (which is quite easy by being silly, parody everything in your mind like a comic strip, while working and doing everything, it works, you can be happy even in your most miserable state), then go and make the world a better place (you can't change everything, I've tried to simulate numerous possibilities, all failed, enjoy little changes happy faces, make one life better, that is the plan, still some hope is left for the unlikely). Well that's it my live. I'm happy sometimes, seem to be happy all the time. In the anonymity I shout what an Idiot I was to try to change the world for the better. 5 Years spent on that. I have an atmosphere around me, if you met me of quite an old man still looking young, people think I'm a mystery. Still I am. Because what I truly found out in this 5 years is not possible to express. It made me feel very happy at first, then miserable, but now I don't get really sad anymore. I feel free. I am satisfied. Sometimes angry (illogical things make me really angry, or things I predicted and didn't make precations or didn't prevent them although I could) I like to talk more. It really looks like an old man who tells his livestory to a cashier in a shop.
^ I look slightly younger but I have an athmosphere of age around me when you meet me in person. (So I was told)
< I talk too much^^
v What do you want to do when you're old, how you wanna live?