You should've worn a bright purple shirt and had the words "sex machine" on your tie in sparkling stars. Flirted with the bridesmaids during the ceremony and had sex with one (or several) of them while everyone else had to listen to the boring speeches. With an awesome beard like you should have no trouble pulling that off.
Looks like an archetypal god or spirit of white collar drudgery.
To you both: hey, I would've worn jeans & my "Cthulu Tequila" shirt ("This time, the worm eats you!"), but a) no one there would've gotten the reference except my roommate (it was his mom's wedding, and it was full church-goers), and b) the groom and his brother are both significantly taller and bigger than me and they probably would have crushed me for my insolence.
It's all about knowing when to pick your battles.
Oh yeah, and it took me about 10 damn minutes to get the collar buttoned. I thought I was going to strangle. The rest of the shirt fit fine, but for some reason the collar is sized to fit an 8 year old.
